My life up tell now.

This is a basic summary of my life up till now, I don’t intend to go into detail about everything just trying to cover the basics of it all  for those who are interested in knowing more about me.  

I was born in a military hospital premature with 4’th stage namonya I died 3 times in the first 8’hrs and had a number of problems as a result of being a preme but my body managed to pull it together. I don’t have a clear memory of my childhood do to suppressed memories but here is what I do remember. My father was an abusive drunk, depending on his mood when he came home from work you would get yelled at or get your ass kicked because he was in a bad mood and I don’t think it helped anything that I was a girly boy as they us to say. That was also the problem I had with my mother, she seen me as a gay guy for all my questions and the way I acted and when I got chot wearing girls clothes by my mother I got my ass beat for it and told how sick and discusting it was too do that. Things weren’t much better when I started school as well, I was the girly boy that got beat up by the boys and I was the problem child to the teachers for being a girly boy and because of my learning problems and so I got my ass beat by the principal in elementary school for being a problem child all the time. ( I think you can see the pattern of abuse here, This kind of abuse was tipical in the 70’s ) During this time period I was diagnosed with severe Dislexya and a hearing problem that’s why I couldn’t read or write like other kids my age, as well as being diagnosed with scolyowses. So my early childhood wasn’t much fun, physical therapy 3 times a week, being forced to read for hours every night, gone to doctors every other day for my hearing and my eyes and phycologist to find out what was wrong with me.  By the time I got into middle School things weren’t much better I was still getting into fights for being a girly boy and getting abused physically and mentally by my father but things had changed with my mother as I had suppressed my memories and was trying to live as the kind of person she wanted me to be.  By the time I get into high school I wasn’t getting into many fights because I had astabllished I was qwit crazy and out for blood if you messed with me, as well I had put a end to my father’s physical abuse by hitting him with a shovel and nocking him out but that didn’t stop the verbal abuse.  The first legal job I had the woman was a mouthy verbally abusive bitch and that set the pressedent for most of the jobs I’ve had in my life verbally abusive ass holes. After high school I relinted to my mother’s and brothers nagging to go to college ( boy was that a mees ) I was verbally abused and harassed tell I blew my top resulting in property damages of all kinds but no actual fist fights. College for me was nothing but a wast of time it’s never helped me get a job.  After college I went from job after job after job ( I was used as temporary help then fired ) so I got tired of that and moved to Florida to find work. But ended up rate back at working construction, 3/4 of my money went to helping out a family member who screwed me over in the end. That was about the time my depression started to kick in and I said the hell with it all and went to work for a guy under the table and living with them,  things were alright for a while but slowly went down hill as I did more and more of the work for lease and lease money and being verbally abused more and more, but I really don’t care as my depression became full blown all I cared about was getting drunk at night and diying, after ten years he wasn’t paying me anything and was bitching about anything he did have to buy and saying all the time I should be paying him for taking care of me when I was the only one doing all the work for his business and his verbal abuse was border line on physical abuse but he wasn’t brave enough to cross that line with me as I told him I would kill him if he put his hands on me, so one night after getting into a argument with him I left and went to work for another verbally abusive ass holes, more of the same shit for another 14+years. I was nearly 6 years ago now that I had my awakening, I’ve worked hard at trying to fix my life the last step was leaving that hell hole witch I did and that is why I’m homeless now but it’s better than putting up with a abusive ass hole and working my ass off for very little money.  

  ❤️ ✌️   

BY FOR NOW

Poetry / What are thow

I am damaged

  I am brocken

  I am a mees  

I am held together with strings of hope 

Never have I been hole 

Never will I be hole 

Peaces of me are missing in the eternal abyss  

Peaces of me have never existed  

I am the unfinished puppet that sits on the shelf of unwanted toys !!!   

❤️ ✌️   

BY FOR NOW

Dear Mr President and cohorts

Dear Mr President and cohorts,

  I know you’re feeling pretty good about your selves right now for all the havec y’all have coused too the LGBT+ community !!!   Y’all apparently don’t understand the basic concept of the fundamentals of America, those three little word’s that your ignorant of   ” Freedom for All ” !!!  It’s a simple basic little constructed that is apparently to complecated for y’all to figure out so let me explain it to y’all  ” Freedom for All ” mean’s the right for all people to live free of persocution of discrimination based on who or what they are or and what they believe in to have equal rights the same as every other person !!!   Y’all may have set us back but you have not stopped us from fighting for those three little word’s, we will not stop tell we have achieved  ” Freedom for All ” people because we are the humaniitaryans of the world that except’s everyone as they are and believe everyone should be free to live their lives as they see fit to do so !!!   We have always been and shall ever be tell the end of time but your time is short and one day y’all will be gone and another shall step forward to abolish your unconstitutional inhumane law’s !!!   

❤️ ✌️   

BY FOR NOW

Are lose of Freedom and Protection

Here in the US many people have now Lost Freedom and Protection from discrimination thanks to the federal government, their religious freedom bill witch is set to take affect this week gives people the right to discriminate against people based on their sexual identity, marital status and gender identity and I’m sure it can be used for a lot more than that, it assentualy means if someone doesn’t like the way you look or what you’re talking about they can discriminate against you, the implications this bill has opened up is stagering to the american people !!! If you think you’re safe because your not LGBT+ think again, this is just part of what they have planned to strip americans of their freedoms and put the right-wing Christine’s in power over everyone, it’s gonna be their way and their ideology that runs this country and if you don’t like it to bad !!!  😠 😠 

❤️ ✌️  BY FOR NOW

Poetry / The child within

The child within 

Doesn’t understand fear

Doesn’t understand hate 

Doesn’t understand greed 

Doesn’t understand bigetry 

Doesn’t understand resentment 

The child within talk’s to death 

The child within askes is it time yet

The child within askes can’t I go home

The child within askes how much more do I have to do for the world 

The child within only seks love and acceptance   

❤️ ✌️

BY FOR NOW

 

321 Quote Me / Freedom

Instead of picking 3 people I have listed 6 quotes.

Liberty has never come from the government. Liberty has always come from the subjects of it. The history of liberty is a history of resistance.” Woodrow Wilson.

For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” Nelson Mandela.

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.” Abraham Lincoln.

“When the people fear the government there is tyranny, when the government fears the people there is liberty.” John Basil Barnhill.

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” George Orwell.

“My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.” Adlai Stevenson, speech, Detroit, 1952.

❤️ ✌️ 

BY FOR NOW

 

Two blog’s to check out

These are two blog’s I ran across that I think are worth checking out.

The first one is ” https;//jamesedgarskye.com/ ” The Bipolar Writer, it’s a blog based on Mental illnic with many guests writers on the site writing about their experience with mental illnic. It’s a great blog.

  The second one is this  ”  https;//aguycalledbloke.blog/ ”  A guy called bloke and K9 Doodlepip, Rory’s blog is a colosh of many different post/sires on one blog you need to check it out to see what I mean, it’s a great blog. 

❤️ ✌️

BY FOR NOW

Finding self love

Finding self love or learning to love your self for who you are is one of the hardest things to do and it’s even harder if you have a mental illnic that wispers in your ear all the time telling you that your no good or if you had a bad child hood. 

Having it ingraned in your mind that your no good makes it very hard to believe that you really are good and deserving  of love.

I should know I’ve been there and i still have to fight with those bad thoughts from depression.

I had to learn the past is the past and theirs nothing you can do to change that so there is no need to hold on to those thoughts, forgive and let go.

I had to learn that even though I’m very different from most people their are people out there that will respect and love me for the person I am as I am.

I had to learn to respect my self for what I am and that I have self worth.

With this lessons learned I was able to start loving my self for the person I am and have honer and respect for my self.

It doesn’t matter what other people think of me because I know who I am and I love my self for who I am, I found my self love and no one can take that away from me !!! 

I have written out this basic model for finding your self love in hopes it can help someone else, this is the model I used to find my self love.

No it will not fix all your problem’s but it will make you happier in your life and give you a different perspective on life. 

❤️ ✌️

BY FOR NOW

Reblog / In Chechnya and Abroad, Today’s LGBT Martyrs Killed for Hatred of Love

April 22, 2017/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Robert Shine, Associate Editor

Editor’s Note: Content in today’s post may be disturbing to some readers as it deals with violence against LGBT people, including a brief description of such violence.

Pope Francis is celebrating a liturgy for contemporary martyrs today, held at the church of St. Bartholomew in Rome which functions as a shrine for martyrs of the 20th and 21st centuries. Those remembered will include persecuted Christians, pastoral ministers killed because they worked for justice, missionaries, and resisters against totalitarian regimes, reported Vatican Radio.
1683973_orig

“Jesus is Beaten,” from series “The Passion of Christ: A Gay Vision” by David Blanchard

I want to remember LGBT martyrs as well: those people who have been killed because of their gender and/or sexual identity or because of their advocacy for LGBT human rights. In particular, I remember LGBT people in Chechnya who are en masse being kidnapped, tortured, and even murdered. One Chechen gay man told the BBC:”If beating you with their hands and feet is not enough, they use electric

“If beating you with their hands and feet is not enough, they use electric shock. . .They have a special black box and they attach wires to your hands or ears. The pain is awful. It’s terrible torture. . .They used to detain people before all the time to blackmail them. . .Now [the aim] is the extermination of gay men, so that there are none left in the republic.”

Once they are released from these torture scenarios, the now outed victims have faced reprisals from their own families, including at least two honor killings, according to The New York Times. While Chechnya’s president denies any persecution, human rights groups based in Russia are secretly helping to evacuate LGBT people from the country.

Critics will contend LGBT victims of violence are not martyrs; they were not killed because of odium fidei (hatred of their Christian faith). But in early Christianity, the word “martyrdom” meant a witness to the truth of faith. Today’s LGBT martyrs are witnesses to the truth of how God created them, and thus witnesses to the Creator. They include high-profile leaders who demanded equality, like Ugandan LGBT rights activist David Kato or U.S. gay rights pioneer Harvey Milk. They also include those who simply refused to deny a God-given identity, like the many transgender people, particularly women and people of color, murdered each year.

Though it is the Easter season liturgically, this is also a time of crucifixion for too many people. Blessed Oscar Romero, himself a martyr, challenges us, as the people of God, with these words:

“For the church, the many abuses of human life, liberty, and dignity are a heartfelt suffering. The church, entrusted with the earth’s glory, believes that in each person is the Creator’s image and that everyone who tramples it offends God. As holy defender of God’s rights and of [God’s] images, the church must cry out. It takes as spittle in its face, as lashes on its back, as the cross in its passion, all that human beings suffer, even though they be unbelievers. They suffer as God’s images. There is no dichotomy between [the person] and God’s image. Whoever tortures a human being, whoever abuses a human being, whoever outrages a human being abuses God’s image, and the church takes as its own that cross, that martyrdom.”

No, murdered LGBT people are not universally martyrs odium fidei, but I consider them martyrs odium amoris, or for “hatred of love.” This designation is an emerging, though not yet canonical, category for those killed because they died acting for the common good. As such, they demand to be remembered and honored by the church.

Pope Francis may not share my thinking or specifically include LGBT martyrs in his prayers today. Sadly, he has too often remained utterly silent about LGBT victims of violence. I am unaware of any church leader who has expressed solidarity with LGBT people in Chechnya. This makes our prayers, as LGBT people and allies, all the more important and urgent.

Who are the LGBT martyrs that are special to your heart? Please name them in the “Comments” section of this post so that we can pray to them and with them today and in the future.

—Robert Shine, New Ways Ministry, April 22, 2017

BY FOR NOW