My life up tell now.

This is a basic summary of my life up till now, I don’t intend to go into detail about everything just trying to cover the basics of it all  for those who are interested in knowing more about me.  

I was born in a military hospital premature with 4’th stage namonya I died 3 times in the first 8’hrs and had a number of problems as a result of being a preme but my body managed to pull it together. I don’t have a clear memory of my childhood do to suppressed memories but here is what I do remember. My father was an abusive drunk, depending on his mood when he came home from work you would get yelled at or get your ass kicked because he was in a bad mood and I don’t think it helped anything that I was a girly boy as they us to say. That was also the problem I had with my mother, she seen me as a gay guy for all my questions and the way I acted and when I got chot wearing girls clothes by my mother I got my ass beat for it and told how sick and discusting it was too do that. Things weren’t much better when I started school as well, I was the girly boy that got beat up by the boys and I was the problem child to the teachers for being a girly boy and because of my learning problems and so I got my ass beat by the principal in elementary school for being a problem child all the time. ( I think you can see the pattern of abuse here, This kind of abuse was tipical in the 70’s ) During this time period I was diagnosed with severe Dislexya and a hearing problem that’s why I couldn’t read or write like other kids my age, as well as being diagnosed with scolyowses. So my early childhood wasn’t much fun, physical therapy 3 times a week, being forced to read for hours every night, gone to doctors every other day for my hearing and my eyes and phycologist to find out what was wrong with me.  By the time I got into middle School things weren’t much better I was still getting into fights for being a girly boy and getting abused physically and mentally by my father but things had changed with my mother as I had suppressed my memories and was trying to live as the kind of person she wanted me to be.  By the time I get into high school I wasn’t getting into many fights because I had astabllished I was qwit crazy and out for blood if you messed with me, as well I had put a end to my father’s physical abuse by hitting him with a shovel and nocking him out but that didn’t stop the verbal abuse.  The first legal job I had the woman was a mouthy verbally abusive bitch and that set the pressedent for most of the jobs I’ve had in my life verbally abusive ass holes. After high school I relinted to my mother’s and brothers nagging to go to college ( boy was that a mees ) I was verbally abused and harassed tell I blew my top resulting in property damages of all kinds but no actual fist fights. College for me was nothing but a wast of time it’s never helped me get a job.  After college I went from job after job after job ( I was used as temporary help then fired ) so I got tired of that and moved to Florida to find work. But ended up rate back at working construction, 3/4 of my money went to helping out a family member who screwed me over in the end. That was about the time my depression started to kick in and I said the hell with it all and went to work for a guy under the table and living with them,  things were alright for a while but slowly went down hill as I did more and more of the work for lease and lease money and being verbally abused more and more, but I really don’t care as my depression became full blown all I cared about was getting drunk at night and diying, after ten years he wasn’t paying me anything and was bitching about anything he did have to buy and saying all the time I should be paying him for taking care of me when I was the only one doing all the work for his business and his verbal abuse was border line on physical abuse but he wasn’t brave enough to cross that line with me as I told him I would kill him if he put his hands on me, so one night after getting into a argument with him I left and went to work for another verbally abusive ass holes, more of the same shit for another 14+years. I was nearly 6 years ago now that I had my awakening, I’ve worked hard at trying to fix my life the last step was leaving that hell hole witch I did and that is why I’m homeless now but it’s better than putting up with a abusive ass hole and working my ass off for very little money.  

  ❤️ ✌️   

BY FOR NOW

Poetry / The child within

The child within 

Doesn’t understand fear

Doesn’t understand hate 

Doesn’t understand greed 

Doesn’t understand bigetry 

Doesn’t understand resentment 

The child within talk’s to death 

The child within askes is it time yet

The child within askes can’t I go home

The child within askes how much more do I have to do for the world 

The child within only seks love and acceptance   

❤️ ✌️

BY FOR NOW