September is suicide prevention month So hear is my story

For practically all of my adult life I have been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, most of it I believe exstianes from my being trans and the way the world looked at people like me and the way the world treated people like me.   I never even noticed that I had depression tell I started having suicidal thoughts, thinking suicide was the only way out of this mess of a life I now had and the fact that I couldn’t say with any real certainty what I was just made things worse. As the years pasted by I drank heavier and heavier and sleeped fearther down the rabbit hole of depression tell I could no longer see the light of day and nothing mattered at all, I drank very heavily at night trying to get alcohol poisoning  to die and when that didn’t work I tried a moltitued of things over the years to camite suicide. I didn’t stop trying tell about 6 year’s ago when I had my awakening, that was the day my suppressed memories came back from my childhood and then I knew What I was and I no longer had a death wish ( for a while anyway ) I joined a LGBT+ website for support and worked hard at trying to fix my brocken life, I realized why my suicide attempts had failed because for the support I got I gave back to people all around the world if I had died I wouldn’t be hear to help others. But for all my hard work and thinking I had beat my depression it came back and hit me hard 3 year’s ago around the year end holidays it got so bad that I tried to camite suicide by taking 500 500miligram Asperan and drinking a 6 pack of beer it rezolted in making me very sick the next day and for days after that. That was the last suicide attempt, iv realized I will probably always had depression and suicidal thoughts but the trick is not to give in to the depression and the little voice wispering in your ear to give up because you always have more work to do and people like you to help.    

 

  ❤️ ✌️   

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Poetry / Well get together then

Cats in the cratal little girl blue with her spoon in the moon can’t wait to soon to be together soon on the moon she can’t wait for a while she wants to go with you now but that’s a faul as she’ll have to wait a while little girl blue is blue for a while waiting to see you little girl blue misses you and doesn’t understand why she can’t go with you and play on the moon why does she have to wait a while to get together to play for a while on the moon !!!    

❤️ ✌️   

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Poetry / Dark Poetry

I escaped pergatory I walked throw the vally of the dead crossed the river sticks  and crowded throw the deep dark pitts of hell  just to see the other side of hell were the living dead rezid we’re pashone of heart means nothing to the heartless zombie’s of hell that destroy all things in their wake futal time wasted to save anything for this is hell and all things here die !!!    

❤️ ✌️ 

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America’s New military division

I read about this breaking news last night on the net as I was gone throw a bounce of other news articles on Opera  ( a wed browser ) .  

“Hold on to your hats people your gonna love this one.” 😂  😝

Are infemise grand leader has dicided we needed a new military division for the twenty first centre !!!     

“” Introducing are new division  “” Space Command  “” !!!     A special alete fighting force for the new battleground, A alete group of specially trained soldiers to diffend america !!!   

Because as we all know the  ” Marshan’s from Uranyis ” are attacking and we need the  “” Space Command “”  to diffend america from Uranyis “”!!!    

Better yet why don’t we seened the genuice behind this mind blowing over extravagant plan to Uranyis in his own private space rocket along with piss head and any other monkey that supports this extravagant waste of money that is beyond are current technology to even hafe assly pull off !!!   

And for God’s sake’s couldn’t he have comeup with a better name then  ” Space Command “, I think someone has been watching too much ” Buck Roger’s ” lately !!!   😝 😂 🤣    

❤️ ✌️     

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Coalition for the homeless of central Florida / Their blog page

http://centralfloridahomeless.org/blog/

This is a nice blog page full of short stories of the people that have gone throw the program and gotten helped and it’s also about some of the programs and events they have there.   

❤️ ✌️   

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My life up tell now.

This is a basic summary of my life up till now, I don’t intend to go into detail about everything just trying to cover the basics of it all  for those who are interested in knowing more about me.  

I was born in a military hospital premature with 4’th stage namonya I died 3 times in the first 8’hrs and had a number of problems as a result of being a preme but my body managed to pull it together. I don’t have a clear memory of my childhood do to suppressed memories but here is what I do remember. My father was an abusive drunk, depending on his mood when he came home from work you would get yelled at or get your ass kicked because he was in a bad mood and I don’t think it helped anything that I was a girly boy as they us to say. That was also the problem I had with my mother, she seen me as a gay guy for all my questions and the way I acted and when I got chot wearing girls clothes by my mother I got my ass beat for it and told how sick and discusting it was too do that. Things weren’t much better when I started school as well, I was the girly boy that got beat up by the boys and I was the problem child to the teachers for being a girly boy and because of my learning problems and so I got my ass beat by the principal in elementary school for being a problem child all the time. ( I think you can see the pattern of abuse here, This kind of abuse was tipical in the 70’s ) During this time period I was diagnosed with severe Dislexya and a hearing problem that’s why I couldn’t read or write like other kids my age, as well as being diagnosed with scolyowses. So my early childhood wasn’t much fun, physical therapy 3 times a week, being forced to read for hours every night, gone to doctors every other day for my hearing and my eyes and phycologist to find out what was wrong with me.  By the time I got into middle School things weren’t much better I was still getting into fights for being a girly boy and getting abused physically and mentally by my father but things had changed with my mother as I had suppressed my memories and was trying to live as the kind of person she wanted me to be.  By the time I get into high school I wasn’t getting into many fights because I had astabllished I was qwit crazy and out for blood if you messed with me, as well I had put a end to my father’s physical abuse by hitting him with a shovel and nocking him out but that didn’t stop the verbal abuse.  The first legal job I had the woman was a mouthy verbally abusive bitch and that set the pressedent for most of the jobs I’ve had in my life verbally abusive ass holes. After high school I relinted to my mother’s and brothers nagging to go to college ( boy was that a mees ) I was verbally abused and harassed tell I blew my top resulting in property damages of all kinds but no actual fist fights. College for me was nothing but a wast of time it’s never helped me get a job.  After college I went from job after job after job ( I was used as temporary help then fired ) so I got tired of that and moved to Florida to find work. But ended up rate back at working construction, 3/4 of my money went to helping out a family member who screwed me over in the end. That was about the time my depression started to kick in and I said the hell with it all and went to work for a guy under the table and living with them,  things were alright for a while but slowly went down hill as I did more and more of the work for lease and lease money and being verbally abused more and more, but I really don’t care as my depression became full blown all I cared about was getting drunk at night and diying, after ten years he wasn’t paying me anything and was bitching about anything he did have to buy and saying all the time I should be paying him for taking care of me when I was the only one doing all the work for his business and his verbal abuse was border line on physical abuse but he wasn’t brave enough to cross that line with me as I told him I would kill him if he put his hands on me, so one night after getting into a argument with him I left and went to work for another verbally abusive ass holes, more of the same shit for another 14+years. I was nearly 6 years ago now that I had my awakening, I’ve worked hard at trying to fix my life the last step was leaving that hell hole witch I did and that is why I’m homeless now but it’s better than putting up with a abusive ass hole and working my ass off for very little money.  

  ❤️ ✌️   

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Dear Mr President and cohorts

Dear Mr President and cohorts,

  I know you’re feeling pretty good about your selves right now for all the havec y’all have coused too the LGBT+ community !!!   Y’all apparently don’t understand the basic concept of the fundamentals of America, those three little word’s that your ignorant of   ” Freedom for All ” !!!  It’s a simple basic little constructed that is apparently to complecated for y’all to figure out so let me explain it to y’all  ” Freedom for All ” mean’s the right for all people to live free of persocution of discrimination based on who or what they are or and what they believe in to have equal rights the same as every other person !!!   Y’all may have set us back but you have not stopped us from fighting for those three little word’s, we will not stop tell we have achieved  ” Freedom for All ” people because we are the humaniitaryans of the world that except’s everyone as they are and believe everyone should be free to live their lives as they see fit to do so !!!   We have always been and shall ever be tell the end of time but your time is short and one day y’all will be gone and another shall step forward to abolish your unconstitutional inhumane law’s !!!   

❤️ ✌️   

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